This past week I had a conversation with a friend in ministry. It wasn’t long into our conversation before I realized that he was trying to work through some disappointment. Something he had hoped for wasn’t going to happen.
As we unraveled his thoughts and feelings, much of the issue had to do with confusion. As we drilled down even further, it became clear that his confusion was tied to lack of communication. Whether intentional or not… whether true or not… he perceived being left in the dark.
It made me wonder how many times I have caused confusion (and hurt) in those that I led because I didn’t communicate clearly and honestly. This has been a tough growth area for me for many years.
I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or let them down… and I didn’t want them to think less of me. So, I would often avoid having an uncomfortable or hard conversation. I would either avoid the conversation altogether or tap dance around the real issues.
Here’s the irony: in my attempt to not hurt people’s feelings, I ended up hurting their feelings more. In my attempt to avoid conflict, I created conflict.
So, in recent years I have been working at balancing truth and grace in my relationships and conversations. For me personally, the “grace” aspect comes much easier and more naturally. I have observed that my struggle is true or many people who lead in ministry. When you care about people, you don’t want to be a verbal “wrecking ball”.
But where I have often failed is in not delivering the truth along with grace. Part of leading and maturing is learning how to have uncomfortable conversations.
Solomon is right…
It is an honor to receive an honest reply. Proverbs 24:26 (NLT)
Posted on
Sunday, March 1, 2009
by Lance Witt
filed under